I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
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he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
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I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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