you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
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I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
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