he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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