Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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