im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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