that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
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i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
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He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize