So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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