I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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