where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
