anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
