he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
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I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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