i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
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As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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