I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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