i permit you to call me
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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