Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
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He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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