his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
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sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
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Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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