there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize