just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize