Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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