I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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