there was a trapeze. enough said
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
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Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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