Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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