i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize