sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
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I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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