I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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