I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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