Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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