someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dick very happy bro
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize