I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
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History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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