it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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