dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
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I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
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Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize