I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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