I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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