they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
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She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
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He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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