Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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