his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
