We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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