I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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