Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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