It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize