these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
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Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
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Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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