why didn't you poke me back
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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