Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
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Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
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