but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize