Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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