you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
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ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
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Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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