Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize