she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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