fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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