the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize