Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
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Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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