we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize